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They say there is only one person that can love you.

Soul mate. The one. The chosen.

You look all over the world for this special person.

No matter how hard you try, you keep spinning in circles.

You may have been searching in all the wrong places.

You will find the person when you stop looking.

You will find this person when you close your eyes.

You will see that only you can love yourself. You can’t outsource the most important job to others.

Not even to close friends, family and lovers. They don’t work for you. They are there for you to express your love and appreciation.

The opposite of happiness is not caused by misfortune.

Instead of growing grateful for all that we have, we worry about the things we don’t have.

We sow our own discontentment.

We are the gardener of our own happiness.

Appreciate all that you have.

Change your attitude. Change your life.

Turn that frown upside down.

Pressed for time, the tarp atop a heap of dirt is not secured. It hangs loose. As the driver picks up her speed, a batch of dirt escapes the truck. She barely notices.

A man in his passenger car is driving to work. One of his wheels picks up a pebble. Less than a second later, the pebble flies 120 kmh before hitting the windshield of the car behind him. A small stone cracks the glass. The impacted driver swears under her breath. The man has no idea. He drives on.

Some distance away, a girl is walking down a familiar road. She must be off to school. A gas cylinder appears out of nowhere and knocks her flat onto the road. The bones on her legs crunch on impact. She cries out.

Wait for something to happen before applying a fix. Sometimes it’s too late. Often, it takes more time and effort to fix a flawed design or poor execution.

Is there another way?
Is it possible to avoid foreseeable mistakes by conducting a pre-mortem?

Play a game. Pretend that a decision was made to implement X. Instead of asking, ‘what could go wrong?’. Imagine we’re already one year post the change. Imagine that tomorrow is today. Ask, ‘what went wrong?’ Look inside the rear-view mirror. What do you see?

Now, bring yourself back to the present. Right here, right now. What do you change? What can you do better now? What must you do more of? What must you stop doing? Most of us don’t take the time to do this because what’s the worst that could happen? I’ll get to it tomorrow. I’ll get to it eventually. But we forget. We run out of time. Other urgent and unimportant things take up our finite time.

What if we used the pre-mortem method to live our best lives? If we were the author of our own obituary, would we lead a life full of meaning and intention? What would it say? Where would it be published? Does it include children? Are you married? How are you survived? How would you be remembered? Did you do everything you set out to do? Did you change the hearts and minds of the people you care about? Did you write that book you’ve been putting off? Did you break stuff? Does anyone care?

How do you feel about reading your obituary? Are you content? Are you disappointed? Are you angry? Are you sad? Any regrets?

Looking forward into our future, as if we’re at the end of our life… would it make it easier for us to prioritize and make difficult decisions? Would the future you appreciate the actions and decisions of the today?

I read these random facts related to space on a local airline magazine. Thought provoking.

1. Cold welding. When two pieces of same metal touche, they bond together permanently because the atoms cannot recognize that they belong to two separate pieces. This won’t happen on earth because of water and air particles.

2. Space is silent. Sound waves require atmosphere in order to travel. Radio waves can be heard however.

3. One Venus day is equal to one earth year. The only planet to rotate backwards… may have suffered huge impact billions of years ago, making it go upside down!

As he flips the last pages, the heart gives away. The tears mark the end of the story he’s been nursing for few years. The characters no longer speak. The fire goes out but he still feels the warmth inside.

It was in the science fiction section. Written in 1950, the world imagined by Ray Bradbury is a spitting image of our digital addiction.

I’ve read this book at least three time.  I’m already almost done. I bought it today.

People staring at screens. Listening to their ear pieces. Avoiding controversies. Making things too easy. A toaster that would butter your toast for you. Imagined in 1950, a way of life today. Content short and easy to digest.

Personalized ads. Personalized TV shows. People hooked on technology and less on each other.

No one to adjust to. No one to cater to. The poker face folds. I let the sound of nature lull me deep into myself once again. I can only get here by myself.

How have I achieved my successes?

When I first started working, I knew nothing. I was the youngest person on site. Surrounded by men old enough to my father, my job was to tell them how to assemble gas turbine generator sets. They would ask me questions. I would say I don’t know. I’d read hundreds of pages of technical manuals. Understanding one system at a time. How does the cooling and sealing air work? Do I understand the piping and instrumentation diagram? How does this come together? The next morning, I would have an answer. If I couldn’t figure it myself, I’d ask my colleagues for assistance. Looking back, I think I had fun reading about the ways in which the fiery beast spun itself into megawatts of power. It was the fun factor that kept me going. Being curious. Wanting to understand. Being responsible. Being honest.

How did I spend my free time? There was no TV to watch. This was before the advent of streaming online services.

If I wasn’t reading about gas turbines, silence filled the room. No one to speak to. No one to do things with. Alone in a foreign country. Not that I had a lot of free time after working 11 hour days. Traveling to work took an hour. Then another hour back through the Shanghai traffic. I used to be lonely. Having to make new friends wherever I went.

I was successful because I worked hard. I worked long hours. Sometimes, I would go into the office after a full work day, only to leave at 2am to finish all the paperwork. I used to jump on conference calls 10pm most nights.

The younger me deserved all the successes of yesterday.

The present me, I’m not sure.

On cruise control, with no desire to speed up or slow down. Wanting to cruise to see where I’ll end up. When was the last time I drove aimlessly to find myself at the most fabulous place? Never.

I don’t know what I want. I don’t know where I want to go. I am complacent. I’m dishonest with myself. I’m not putting in enough hours. My tools are rusty. I neglect my craft.

All things worth achieving should be written down. What do I want for myself? There’s ample time after working hours to sharpen my pencils. I don’t need to quit my job to write full time. Do great while earning my monthly pay check.

All things take time. All things worthwhile come ever so slowly. Have you ever watched a flower in bloom? It looks as if nothing is happening. Until one day, when you least expect it, the flower is in full bloom. You can’t help but marvel at its beauty. Its colorful hues. Beautiful things come slowly and suddenly. Then it’s gone. Except it’s not. It’s hibernating. Transforming itself. Resting and gathering energy before the next spring.  comes.

My favorite US Army phrase:

Train like you fight a war.

Don’t cancel training because it’s raining. During war, you have no choice to wade through the mud to get to the other side.

Don’t stop the march because of blisters on your feet. During war, you would be lucky to have boots to weather the storm.

Don’t be lenient on your staff because the enemy will show no mercy.

If you train like you fight, you will be ready for the worst. If the worst is yet to come, you will come out ahead of all those waiting for the perfect moment that will never come.

To be ready, we must train as if our lives depended on it. To be ready, we must step forward even when we don’t think we have what it takes.

34 months and counting

Sandile quit personal training to start his own business.  I was looking to save some money anyways, so ended the personal training saga. After two years, I had learned how to navigate what I thought were ‘men’s only’ areas. Which machines to use. Which free weights to swing. My favorite and best work outs: Squats and dead lifts. I knew what I was doing. The form, breathing and concentrating on the right muscles. I now see more women in the weight section. I’d like to see more.

I still care about looking great in my clothes, but this isn’t the only motivator. Am I living the best life for my body? Am I nourishing my body? Am I keeping up my fitness levels? Am I healthy?

I used to believe in the ‘mind over body’. I used to get sick after punishing my body. Sprinting the last portion of the 5km races to shave off 20 seconds. It was too much and too soon. The body would complain and shut itself down for days, if not weeks.

I now believe in the body over mind. Without the body, the mind has nowhere to live. Without the mind, there is no body. Body = Mind.

My fitness journey will continue. Being fit isn’t about looking good. It’s about being healthy. Looking good always helps, doesn’t it? Better stress management. Being strong means I can carry everyone’s bags when they are all bleeding from an accident. Being strong means I can carry someone on my back. Being strong means having some reserve left to carry myself to the finish line when I’m not at my best.

As important as it is to allow ourselves to detour from our path and come back again, we need time to let things settle. Let it simmer and thicken until we’re ready to pour ourselves out of the pensive.

“Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one to ask why.”