Category: Uncategorized

0-8 months

I made fruit + vegetable juices for breakfast and packed lunch and snacks.
I reduced my portion from 4x to 1x appropriate for my body.
I went to the gym every day, 10 minutes at a time.

Week 1: I lost 2 kg in 5 days. During this time, my body thought it was starving as it was used to eating 4 times my ideal portion size. Stomach shrunk on day 6 and the body stopped complaining.
Week 2: I lost another 1kg.
Week 8: I lost another 2kg.

In two months, I lost 5 kg.

By month 3, I was going to the gym 5 times a day and working out for an hour. By then, a total loss of 6 kg.
By month 8, I was in the habit of 1) eating regularly; 2) eating the right food and amount; and 3) working out regularly

It wasn’t easy but not impossible. Discipline took over. Every Sunday, I bought fresh produce and cooked and packed away lunch and dinner for the week. Shopping took 2 hours. Cooking another 5 hours. I cut out all carbohydrates. No bread. No rice. Every morning, I would make freshly squeezed juice for breakfast.

Five years ago, I went through a breakup. Pounds piled on from emotional eating. A year later. Four years ago, I added 11 percent (6 kg or 13.2 pounds) of ideal body weight from working 13-hour days. Not eating during the day (too busy). Going home and stuffing myself before passing out.  Spending too much time on screen and not on myself. A vicious cycle.

I knew I was gaining weight, but the seriousness didn’t hit me until 3 years ago, and around this time. My knees hurt. I wasn’t happy with myself. I couldn’t see how big I had become until I saw myself in a friend’s photograph. My face a big ball with sausage arms and legs. I didn’t recognize myself. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The image of myself didn’t coincide with what I saw on the screen.

I couldn’t wear dresses or skirts because they rode up too high. Half of my clothes didn’t fit and I had to decide: Buy new wardrobe or lose weight. I chose the latter because I didn’t have the time nor the money. And I wanted feel good about myself.

I decided to change three things:

1. Not eating three times a day (not feeding my body) – Feed regularly
2. Eating too much – Portion control (starvation to survival mode)
3. Not exercising (sedentary lifestyle) – Move

I went through three phases.

Without structure, there can be no process. He prides himself in breaking down my structure. But I thrive within it. Without it, I can’t make things fit. Without it, I can’t do the things that are important to me.

It’s 9:30am, and it’s bright outside. It feels hot. I step out into the patio to soak up the outside. I wrap myself with a cardigan to take in the breezy refreshment.

It’s blue and green outside. The big tree has buds fighting to escape and savor the airy refreshment.

Why, why, why. Don’t I do this more often?

The first day off was just yesterday. Not so bad. Gym. Steam. Sauna. Groceries. Two movies.

Watchmen. I had watched it before. There is a blurred line between the good and evil. Good people do bad things. Bad people do good things. How do we define the good vs. evil? How do we separate the two?

The way we live has not caught up with the realities of today.

I tune out the radio as another DJ fakes enthusiasm for yet another smartphone. Bigger screen. Better camera! This one has 4 AI cameras! Voice activated. Your moves tracked and monitored!

Bigger screens = heavy phones and tired hands

Better cameras = more detail… but who really wants this unless you want to examine a growing cell under a microscope?

Who cares? Phones are expensive. Just the thought of replacing mine causes me financial heart burn.

Why do we care about the things that make us worse at being caring and attentive humn beings?

I try to be as professional and calm as humanly possible. Decorum is underrated. Respect should be earned.

I couldn’t keep up the facade on this one particular afternoon. I decided to lose it. Enough is enough.

I threw up both hands and uttered, “whatever.”

As if I was 16. But it was the most appropriate thing to say. The recalcitrant individual walked away.

Good riddance.

Lose your shit. Sometimes it is the only thing that works.

The windows roll down as we speed down the road. Flowers getting ready to bloom fills the early evening air. Intoxicated with the promise of more evenings such as tonight, we stop holding our breaths. We exhale. We inhale. Ah, the sweet smell of life!

The more YouTube videos I watch, the more I want to binge. It keeps suggesting more relevant content to suck me in. Great life advices are given and I love the short clips.

They all add up and I am hooked again!

Then I go cold turkey again. No more YouTube. No more Netflix

Why am I so much happier? Because I am busy living.

I unfurl my limbs, like the tiny shoot sprouting after a long and uneventful winter. Pushing the tough shell to kiss the sweet air filled with promise of a new life.

I look around to see contentment. People coming together to enjoy nothing other than each other.

It is a great evening to be alive and well.

My team of 4 sits in the corner but there is a seat in between them.

Two days ago, I asked them to sit next to one another on a 2×2 grid.

I created two rows of separation between me and the team to give then space to work among themselves.

Already, I see them talking more and working better together.