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The helper comes in the morning as promised, but an hour late due to public transport issues. He does a good job. He’s even more dismayed at the shoddiness of the work left behind by the horrible builders.

The mirror is hung up finally and in an effort to remove a sticker, I use a green scrubbing pad leaving me with a silver dollar size of scratches… Why did I do this after 4 months of waiting for the mirror to go up…

Impatience. Doing things without thinking about it. Decision fatigue.

Sometimes it’s better to leave things unfinished (I can’t believe I just said that).

It’s Friday and the flavor of conversation revolves around weekend plannin.

“What are you doing?”

Me: I’m going to hang mirrors and pictures!

“That’s it? Nothing else? Aren’t you going to do something FUN?”

Me: … I am actually quite excited about the pictures… I’ve been meaning to hang them for the past four months…

“Sorry!”

Often, we say things not understanding the effect of our words on others. What could be trivial to us could mean the world to someone else.

More than half the 2017 has come and gone, and I have written 54 062 words spanning across 113 pages. Every little bit of words and sentences adding up to a really big number. The words represent sum of 193 blog entries and random ramblings. Including a shot of so called poetry.

These numbers remind me to keep going. To do the work and let the fingers dance across the spring-loaded keys. Keep going despite the many stumbles and falls. Because life happens. Life laughs and throws tantrums. The body gets sick. The mind grows tired. The heart gets broken.

But the days keep stringing along, getting longer and definitely more interesting. I usher in the present of today with the anticipation for what tomorrow will bring. Life happens every day and I want to continue happening too, for as long as my mind can command the fingers to dance and let the words waltz to the different beats.

My necklace of days is strung with words.

What is yours made of?

Being back at work must have been too much, too soon. And so, she’s back in the hospital.

I am reminded of a Tedx talk, “what people say when they don’t know what to say” by Adrianne Haslet-Davis, survivor of a Boston marathon bombing. What I took away: Don’t ask what you can do for those in need. Think about what would give them a little bit of joy and do just that. Instead of not doing anything, not visiting, ignoring, and making things easier for ourselves, do what’s right. Do what you can to make it easier and better for another human being.

I’m not quite sure what I could do. I remember being in the hospital once. Not in my own clothes but in hospital gowns. On a bed with no one around me. Feeling isolated and helpless. A world of endless waiting and hoping.

The smallest things taken for granted seem so precious and impossible. Sterile walls. Sterile furniture. Sterile smells.

Being able to walking out to the patio to take a breath of morning’s freshness while sipping on the steaming cup of coffee cut with milk. The little things of life taken for granted. The sum of little things is what life is made of.

I wish I could give the comforts of a hot liquid warming her body. Instead, I’ll do what I can. Usher in a bit of the outside world into her corner with electronic messages.

I see a friend that’s been away for too long.

She tells me what she’ll be doing in her new role and I’m too preoccupied with my issues to give what she’s doing some thought… until later after I get home. Wait… this doesn’t sound right. The plan was to move to another company with a better working hours and less stress. Why is she working for the same boss once again? Concerned, I plan to speak to her about it when I see her again.

I vow to walk around the new hood to see what’s out there. Instead, I find a season of House of Cards in an external hard drive.

Another day wasted watching TV. But do you know how awesome of a show this is…?

Oh, how I berate myself! Despite best of intentions, I just keep failing! Series… you are just too tempting! I just don’t know how to quit you!

A late lunch catch up with a friend I hadn’t seen in over a year. How quickly time passes. The two hour turned into a five and a half hours. How has she grown. How she has matured. In comparison, how impatient I’ve become.

Again, judging her by her past, not who she is today. Being stuck in the past is not only reflected in the mirror, and through the lens from which I see the world. How can I get better at judging the person who he/she is today instead of who they used to be.

After a month, I have a clearer view of what I should be doing in my new role. How I could add the most value, leveraging the unique me. The team of three I’ve inherited are doing a good job after the weakest link transferred to another division. One of them has been underutilized for 8 months. The consultant in charge was doing all the analysis, and the weak link owned relationships. Without guidance and push, she wasn’t doing anything. She lost the zest for work and found ways to cope to earn the monthly paycheck.

Given the opportunity, some come to life to shine. She blossoms and emerges strongest member of my team. When I tell my boss this, he’s surprised. It makes me happy to see her grow confident and ask really good questions!

He comes to speak to a colleague one row over. After twenty minutes, he comes over to talk to my team. I decide to join in the conversation. He’s here to solve a known and old problem. I ask simple questions to triangulate the issue. They haven’t thought this through. One of the higher ups told them to fix it and they came running. They can speak some buzz words that could be misconstrued.

“What is it that they need from my team?  Did you know that this is already being addressed, although unresolved? Do you know who manages this specific deliverable? (I am shocked)

Come, let’s go. I need you to meet the man in charge of this problem.”

I make the introduction and scuttle away. I ask my team, “is this how things have been before I joined?”

“Yes, we run around trying to get data and information but nothing ever comes of it.”

We will no longer work that way. Unless people know what their problem is before asking us to investigate. We will advise and guide them to the right people and sources of data, but they must drive their own investigation.

I disobeyed my personal rule of no music and distractions around parking structures. I skidded the side of my car and destroyed the sensor at the gate. I am stressed. How much is this going to cost me? I really don’t want to deal with more admin… But I must own my mistakes and pay up.