Category: Uncategorized

Interviewing – candidate 1

Helping the boss interview candidates to fill the vacancy I’ve created. The case study highlights the current status of operation, challenges and a red herring to see how one produces quality content despite time constraints. How does one focus one prioritize?

She’s pleasant and answers all the questions. But it’s clear she has had little executive stakeholder engagement. She is unable to answer the questions more than three sentences. The three of us used to work together, and she’s so pleasant and likable.

Unfortunately, not the right candidate. Too junior although she is four years older than me. The importance of learning opportunity to get the right experience and expertise. I have been lucky, haven’t I?

There is another side of the good that we always gloss over.

I put a reminder on the wall:

Be impatient and get one marshmallow now.

Or get away from instant gratification and earn two marshmallow from exercising patience.

You are beautiful from head to toe. I hadn’t expected this. Not a wave, but tsunamis wash over me. So much in common, yet enough differences to balance things out. A three-hour encounter ensues.

My body tingles. I welcome you into my sentient; grateful to have you thaw away the winter of obscure nothingness. Evening fills with countless stories and heartfelt affirmations. We listen without interruption. We talk as if there is nothing else in the world aside from each other.

You say you have a gift for me. A poem you wrote. It’s skillful in its tug of war, acknowledging what is said and challenging its previous effort with carefully constructed words. A singsong of give and take …an impossible feat yet executed with artisan precision.

I show you mine. I find myself serious and not quite myself. Not sure why, but it makes me wonder.

I enjoy our time. Or was it space? Will we see each other again? Will our paths intersect? Does it even matter? A moment must be treasured no matter the outcome. To share three hours with someone who takes the time to think and understand himself gives me relief from the desert of mindlessness.

My heart awakens as you breathe life back into my fragile soul. You’re right to say that the world has a way of helping us maintain the balance when we least expect it. I’m glad we got a chance to meet and connect. Thank you for your presence and your generous feedback.

The day is designed to deflect all distractions. No sound. No music. No Internet. No conversations. I abstain from the world. My hands grab a chalk and scratch the blackboard. I drink a cup of matcha instead of coffee. I’ve run out of milk.

I’m afraid of drinking it black…what if I like it? The creamy and white liquid no longer needed to balance out the darkness. It was only few years ago that I cut the sweetness of sugar.

I play back one of past week’s events. She accuses me of putting someone in therapy. How I can live with myself? As if therapy is so terrible. Therapy reserves and protects space for self and nothing else. Nothing else can compete. No deadlines. No children. No parents. No significant others. Nothing else matters at the end of our days.

Focus on the sentient within. Focus on the matters too close to the heart to reveal to the outside world. A safe space to connect and to take care of the soft and bruised inner self.

I take it in. I claim responsibility, and so reflect upon my actions and the effects on those not yet ready for the directness of the truth. How I must learn to deliver the message with wrapping paper decorated with glitter and ribbons… too often promising more than what the box holds.

I used to hate wrapping presents but I do because the recipient expects it. The recipient likes it.

Me? I’m both unromantic and utilitarian. If you must, you can do so with newspaper.

What’s inside matters. Nothing else matters at the end of our days.

The body wants to rest but the mind can’t shut down. It’s too tired to do anything. The TV lights up and the body crumples. Wake up into the day with no clear objective. Too many promise with best of intentions. People overload.

People tell me I look tired. Twice this week, someone tells me I’m in the wrong line of work. My creativity should be used to do something else. First thing that comes to mind: how can I monetize this? Can I make a living out of it? The capitalism has taken its stronghold on me. I can’t escape it. It’s now a part of me.

Overall, I’m frustrated and unfulfilled. The volume of work isn’t what gets me. I can do it. I just don’t have the time to get to everything.

Maybe I’m frustrated with myself. I am not sure where I want to go. Maybe I do but am ignoring it. I’m very good with denials. I am thinking… maybe it’s time to leave this place. There is nothing else here for me. I have bought a place. Gone through renovation. Proven my worth to myself: I can do anything I can put my mind to. I can lead. I can manage. I can make friends and keep them. What else is there for me to do here?

I come back to a beautiful place filled with hand picked items reflecting my taste to give me peace of mind when I return. Even as I sit on my comfy chair in the perfect dining area, I can’t help but wonder… What am I doing here, and why am I here?

Why?

Urgent and important takes over all other important matters. Running faster and farther… But for what? Why am I working so hard? When others daftly deflect and brush the undone into a decorative destitution? Running from one place to the next for what gains and aspiration?

The Rat Race… I have gotten back into the full swing of chasing the unknown. Not understanding why I run and towards where. Forgetting my once unwilling yet active role in this race?

I scoff. I just volunteered to do even more. My value proposition or contribution margin for the company increases while my profit margin dwindles with additional cost of time and exhausted resources.

There is no life outside of work because the mind needs to draw a blank canvas. The heart has no space to let others in. Instead, it builds a wall to preserve itself. The important matters of the soul takes a back seat. And the body suffers when the controls go haywire. Everything is broken. Nothing is okay.

This constant battle. This yo-yo of life.

Wednesday, hump day. The struggle is real. The rat race.

I am sprinting, and the wheel is turning.

Swipe left, left left.

Even if there is a match, no one starts the conversation. And once started, it goes nowhere and the meeting leads to another dead-end.

Too hairy. Not enough hair. Too much of this. Too little of that.

Someone better will come along so let’s not waste time with the short one. The tall one. The boring one. The arrogant one. There are many reasons to say no and not good enough to say yes.

The abundance of mates.

The abundance of career options.

The abundance of things to eat for dinner.

The abundance of time. The abundance of shared moments with those we care about.

How many times have we regretted uttering unnecessary and hurtful words? Too often, we don’t apologize soon enough and when we try, it’s too late. He/she/they have disappeared or doesn’t care to have us in their lives. We think we have all the time and options in the world. Often, we forget our extremely limited time in this world.

Sure. It’s good to have an abundant mindset to visualize the impossible and drive action. But acknowledgement of scarcity of time, options and possibilities may ground us to the present and prepare us for the tomorrow.

Wake up to the sweet melody of a brand new alarm to start day 197 of 2017.

Sometimes, all it takes to feel better is a good night’s rest.

At the mall to get a new phone. The GPS works. I actually get notification as the messages are sent and received… It’s been 3 years since I last got a lemon of a phone and today is the first day that I join 2017 with Samsung S7 because S8 is more expensive by $10 a month, and so why not just get an older model?

As I’m fiddling with my phone, young man walking with a fried pauses and asks to buy me a drink. This just an hour after a guy tries to hand me a flyer for a store. I politely decline say, ‘I’m okay’ and he replies, ‘I see that.’

Flattering? Or disrespectful?