Leaders don’t do the ‘work’.
We initiate tough conversations.
We make decisions with imperfect information.
We create and sustain winning teams; coach and enable people to do their jobs.

We solve problems.
Biggest problems are often people-related.
A great resource with specialist expertise and experience, he creates friction and chaos. A cultural misfit.  A demoralizer.
Something had to be done.

I hesitated…am I being harsh. Am I overreacting? Did I give him real-time feedback to courses-correct during our 3-month together?

I had to act.
I did what I thought was best for the team and asked that he be replaced.
The team is happy with the decision. They breathe a little easier.

I don’t always feel ready to make decisions.
I’m not always happy with the decisions I make.
I must stand behind every single decision.

Unasked, the parent checks in to feed the child. Vaccinates crying babies. Schedules annual check-ups. The parent takes care of the child. Keeps them safe from the external world and from themselves as they stick their fingers into electrical sockets; as they taste the earth and run across the road unaware of the dangers of modernity.

The role of the parent and child reverses as we age. Both parties grow unaware. Some catch up. Some never do.

Sure, there is resentment. Absolutely, some issues will never be resolved.
But the fact remains. Without them, there would be no us.

Five more days until I board a plane and take a break from my reality.
Only to find out that the parents driving 9 hours to save money on airfare.

The way I plan must adjust. I need to be mindful of them and their needs instead of just my own. Do things unasked. Reach out to family members for help. Take accountability for them.

I know, I know. Some may say I’m taking on too much. Don’t over extend myself.
Don’t worry.
I am making a conscious choice.
A commitment.

I am doing the things that will give me peace. Bring me joy.

Happiness is not without costs.
Doing the right thing costs time, money, and effort
No one said it was going to be easy.

It’s been 19 months since I last binge watched a series. Eyes glued to the screen, seeing out of space characters even at work. Having difficulty distinguishing reality from fiction. I was dazed. It felt like a dream. A nightmare.

I vowed to never do it again.

I wake up groggy. Dysfunctional. The screen sucked me in and spit out a zombie seven hours later. Eyes are red. Body too tired to sleep.

Of course, I knew better. The temptation was too great! (I’m staying with a friend who has Netflix). It was like opening a big tub of ice cream, vowing to have just a few spoonful. The tub is now empty and I am full of regret.

How often do we get on the path of temptation, knowing full well where we’ll end up? Categorizing a known temptation for opportunity?

I wish I had told you.

And now it’s too late.
Or is it ever too late?

Maybe the time is now.
No more what ifs.
No more regrets.
No more I will wait until the time is right.
No more I will wait until tomorrows.

I have something to tell you.
I hope it’s not too late.
I hope I am not too forward.
I hope I don’t scare you away with my frankness.
I love you.
I appreciate you.
It may not be forever.
I may change my mind tomorrow.
You may not want to see me the day after tomorrow.

But before it’s too late, and before fear takes over.
I’d like to remind myself of how I feel about you. Tell you how you make me feel.

You make me smile.
You fill me with hope.
You are lovely outside.
You are beautiful inside.

If you are reading this, you have found a way into my heart.
If you are reading this, I hope you know that this message is meant for you.

I say too much.
Gone are the days of saying too little.
Often, it’s better to say nothing.

I am learning to charge the room with silence.
To create space
To let others join in
To let others have a say
To let others try
To let others succeed
To let others fail
To let others delay

To do so requires patience.
To do so requires so much patience.
To do so requires patience I lack still.

Today, I struggled.
Today, I failed.
Tomorrow, I will start over.
Tomorrow, I will do better.
Tomorrow is yet another day.

Four years since my last interview. I did the best I could. I smiled. I spoke with passion but I missed some critical details.

External stress reduces my fuel tank. I can’t go as fast. I can’t go as far.

• laptop not working
• restructuring in full swing
• planning renovations
• not sleeping well for the past 28 days
• feeling ill and
• not being able to work out

Still, I’m disappointed. Could have done better had I prepared more. But I couldn’t. So I didn’t. Learning to be kinder to myself. But I hate disappointing myself.

Cold sweat runs down the back. Body feels weak. Half hour into the training session, body wants to call it quits. The mind resists. But it gives in. Both seek shelter and refuge from the world. Body commands carbohydrates. The body passes out and sleep through the night. The mind sleeps through the alarm. It’s bright outside.

She disarms the room with her simple smile. They hold their breath. They strain to hear her every word. She commands attention. She fills the room and its inhabitants with electricity. Thunderstorm looms. Lightning strikes. The shock travels up to the pit of their stomachs. Her words touch their hearts. The heart opens their minds.

They cannot resist the power she has over them.
The power of her quietness. The power of her softness. They have never experienced anything like it.

Quiet 1 – Aggression 0

It’s Sunday. I still can’t see.

I have to go into the office! Not my ideal Sunday. Not my ideal day.

Sacrifices must be made and today is just one of those days. I’m not happy about it. But life ain’t fair, and that’s that.

In less than 30 minutes, I pick out and purchase household appliances for the first time in my life.

1. Dryer
2. Dishwasher
3. Extractor
4. Fridge
5. Microwave
6. Oven
7. Stovetop
8. 49” television

Year-end sale saves me roughly 30%.

It’s less than my annual travel budget. When I make that comparison, I grow less overwhelmed.