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I’ve been ‘homeless’ for three months. Not having one place to rest my aching bones. Wasting time packing up and unpacking. Not quite settled in. Forgetting my sneakers and missing a gym session. Forgetting flip flips at the gym showers (gross). Not knowing where my nail clippers are. A side project taking up space in my head. Not knowing where my things are! Being nudged to live minimally and to be honest, it’s been refreshing.

I have 3 sets of keys that’ll get me into

1. my flat under renovation
2. temporary home abode at a friend’s
3. another’s friend’s if I need to give my #2 friend some space

I have access to three houses. And access to two more.

It’s been inconvenient being ‘homeless.’ Yet I’m glad, because living with friends has been fun. Spending unplanned time. Cooking and eating together. Chilling and talking throughout the day. It’s been nice to have a nice person to come home to and say good morning when we first wake up.

I have access to three generous homes and kind-hearted friends.
I’m not ‘homeless.’

Some people make good decisions while the rest stagnate and stall out with the bad. What separates the best from the rest?

Before acting, the best ask ‘the why’ before answering ‘the what’ and ‘the how’

They are not people pleasers but expert expectation managers.
Everything they do, they do with integrity and transparency.
They distill relevant information to get to the what.
They escalate if necessary.
They understand the repercussions of their (in)decision.

They don’t shove decisions down people’s throats.
They greases the wheels so the cogs are able to turn on their own.

They do what is right.
They’re confident contrarians because nothing is more dangerous than group think.
They’re in for the long-term.

Let’s take a critical look at our relationships. The people we spend the most time with, are they investing their own time and effort to keep it going? Or, are we doing all the work? Are they challenging us to do what’s best, or are they bringing us down? Can we call on them when we’re at our worst?

If the answer is no, are we ready to do something about it? Are we ready to part ways with those that break promises, hurt and demean? Can we purge them out of our lives?

Hurtful, cruel, biting, and self-serving.  People who just can’t give, be kind, or loving. It may not be their fault. They most likely have issues of their own. But don’t we all have problems of our own? The shadows of the past? The uncertainty of the future?

Saying goodbye is never easy. Once we cut ties, we change our lives. We are more careful of who we let into our trusted inner circle.

Most of us trust too easily. Why do we find ourselves in relationships that are demeaning, demanding, and manipulative? Do we believe we’re unworthy of love and support we lacked as children? Is it because we don’t know what love, care and compassion look like?

Is it time to take a hard look at ourselves by asking questions no one asks of us?

1. How am I special?
2. What important gifts, talents and abilities do I have that I love to use?
3. What can I do to support the things that are closest to my heart?
4. How do I stand out in the world?
5. What are my core values and how am I honoring those in my life and work?
6. What matters most to me, and why is that?
7. When I turn 90 years old, what do I want to be remembered for?

We are not taught to understand ourselves, or dare to look at how special and valuable we are. Exploring these questions does not mean we’re self-absorbed or narcissistic. We can’t leverage our unique gifts if we aren’t aware. If we don’t know ourselves, we don’t know which tribes we need to join. Which tribes to create.

Instead of turning on the TV. Going on YouTube to see the latest video from whoever we’re following. Trending the latest fashion on Pinterest and all the other ‘value-adding’ distractions… Because they will just fill our heads with lies. Buy this to be more beautiful. Do this to be more desirable. Say this to seem more successful. To whom, we ask? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Doing these things won’t make us love ourselves even more, aside from wasting time and money in short supply.

Instead, could we please free up time to get to know the most important person in our lives? Ourselves? How we value and treat the person within? Once we’re sure of ourselves, we can be surer of the people we surround ourselves with. Once we’re sure of ourselves, we can build and nurture the relationships that matter the most.

Let me go first.

1. I’ve been asking questions for as long as I’m alive. I’m not afraid to say what’s on my mind. I question until I understand. I’ve gotten in trouble, but I’ve created more value with this approach.
2. Say out loud the questions most people are afraid to ask, but on most people’s minds. I challenge and coach people to be better version of ourselves. I am good at calling out on people’s bullshit (excuses). I guess you can say I have a pretty good bullshit radar.
3. I like helping little people. The under dogs. I’m passionate about education. The more they know, the more they can apply themselves.
4. I stand out in the world with my strong energy. People can feel my presence when I’m around. I stand out for getting things done. I drive outputs. I start everything with the end in mind.
5. My core values are continuous improvement, defying the status quo, and standing up for the little people. Defying the stereotype and doing what’s right when nobody is looking.
6. Well-being of myself and those closest to me matters the most. I protect and fight for those too small. Where does this come from? Long time ago, when I was too small and afraid, I would imagine and hope for something bigger than life that would come to my rescue. A magical being that would embrace and stroke my hair, while telling me that everything will be okay.
7. When I turn 90 years old, I’d like to be remembered for doing good in the world. Remembered for being the person
   • …who took the time to notice the unnoticed and pushed people to see how great they are
   • …who believe that we’re more ready than we think. If we waited until we’re 100% ready, we’re already too late
   • … who reminded everyone that the biggest obstacle is often ourselves
   • …who convinced the world that the most important person of our lives is the  very person looking back at us in the mirror. So take care. Be well and get happy. We can’t help others when we’re too weak. We can’t help when we’re bleeding and wading in our own sorrows. We can only help when we are strong ourselves.

Now, it’s your turn. I hope you create and protect time to prioritize yourself. Please feel free to share Hannagil@lifeplunger.com

Thanks for your time. Thanks for participating.

Boots are out. Jacket covers my upper torso. It’s officially winter down here.
Grey walls. Grey floors. They mute the world and shield me from external pressures.
The same color feels oppressive when the sun goes away, and I grow less gay.

When it’s grey outside, I grow ponderous.
Everything becomes a blank canvas full of potential, and nothing to show for itself. An expression of possibility. Where do I start?

I’m supposed to work today and generate serious content to do savvy change management before rolling out a new IT solution. I don’t want to. I’m not in the right mood. I hate working during weekends. I really do.

So I sit and write. But I want to write down my private thoughts and not about work.

I have failed as a leader because the specialist writing the content hasn’t produced quality output. So here I am, filling the gap again. The better leader I become, the smaller the gap becomes. How do I prioritize and spend time with people that need me the most?

Until I figure it out, I must sit and write. Write and write until I’m done.

Group Norms for all my projects: 

1. No customization! We stick to out of the box solution
2. We hold ourselves and one another accountable to get things done
3. Less is more. Simple over complex
4. Words are cheap. Actions speak louder than words
5. We remove dependencies ourselves
6. We make sound business assumptions to work through ambiguities and changing business conditions
7. We avoid unnecessary emails. Emails are used to summarize agreements and key actions. We don’t have ping-pong conversations
8. We prefer face to face or phone conversations
9. We provide feedback that are real, open, constructive and action-oriented
10. We leverage technologies to collaborate and ensure free flow of communication channels
11. All meetings have details agenda with dedicated time slots
12. Minutes are issued within 24 hours. All actions are due by 2pm
13. We make decisions and provide feedback within 2 business days. No feedback means the recipient agrees to recommended next steps or decisions
14. Each lead is responsible for gathering input, driving action, and relevant administrative duties like scheduling sessions and taking minutes
15. We embrace change

Work is picking up. 18 days before going live with a brand new IT solution. It’ll have been four months since we kicked off. We’re on our way to set the world record. Setting records is what we do.

So much fun. So little time. I can barely find the time to use the bathroom. I’m not drinking enough water (cause I forget). I’m having fun, and the team is energized. I’m grateful for the opportunity to lead a big and diverse team of 50+ cross-functional people.

Did someone give me a fancy job title? No.
Did they give me a list of stuff to do? No
Did my boss tell me to put in 14 hours today? No. But I put in the hours because I want to. Because I have to.

I know what has to be done, and so engage executives for support before putting the team together. My boss trusts me to do whatever is required to get things done.

No one asked me to create a project room. No one asked me to introduce scrum methodology to get everyone on the same page after seeing lack of accountability. I saw a gap that needed filling. I close gaps no one else sees. Or no one else bothers to fix. I choose to look. I choose to care.

I don’t ask for permission. I’d rather ask for forgiveness. Except there is nothing to forgive. A lot of thought goes into everything before I execute. People are happy with the change after they get used to it.

I don’t have a manual on how to lead a project team. I’ve had multiple opportunities to build a portfolio of cross-functional skills.
I believe anything is possible as long as I like what I’m doing, I apply my mind and ask people for help. We humans are social and helpful by nature (there are always exceptions to this rule).

Dependency is my least favorite word. Dependencies are problems yet to be explored and solved. Each of us have what it takes to remove dependencies ourselves and move forward.

So… what are you waiting for? Figure out why you feel that way. Do a root cause analysis. Weigh the options. Understand the pros and cons.
Make a decision.
Solve the problem.
Get rid of that obtuse dependency!

Now, let’s get on with it.

Trust is built on mutual respect and credibility. To become reliable, we must keep our promises. Even the strongest foundation topples with too much and too often of a shock. Wear and tear causes fatigue stress, and if left untreated, all things break down.

What are you doing to nurture and nourish the trust you’ve built over the years? Neglect and abuse will lead to disintegration and broken relationships.

You need to call in a favor? Wait… you just remembered that time you went back on your word. Failed to deliver on your promise. You hesitate. You hang up your phone.

Be consistent. Keep your promise. Do what you say you were going to do.
It’s really not that hard, but it sure takes practice and commitment to make it work.

Sunday afternoon:

Me: “Hello, I would like to order 16 pizzas and 24 drinks for tomorrow’s team meeting at Noon!”
The Owner:  “Sure, we’ll get it delivered to you tomorrow. I’ll send you the EFT details and please make the deposit by 9am.”

Me: “OK”

The next morning
08:00 The owner sends me the banking details
08:15 I make the funds transfer at 08:15 and send him proof of payment.
09:00 Him: “I am sorry but the money isn’t yet in my account so I can’t deliver the pizza to you.”
10:30 After ranting and raving (denial stage), I order from another place (acceptance) because 25 people are expecting to get free lunch in 90 minutes. The money leaves my account again(~$200)
11:30 Pizza delivery guy is at the gate but security guy won’t let him in.
11:45 After ranting and raving (denial stage), I grab an executive and a golf cart to help me pick up team lunch (back to reality).
12:00 The team meeting starts.

I have just spend eight hours to get 16 pizzas and drinks to this room.
This meal just cost me: $400
Measure of frustration: Infinite
The joy from the team getting a treat for a job well done: Greater than infinite

I have to put on a smile before 25 people walk through the door.

Lessons learned: 
1. Never order from this guy again
2. Don’t forget about customer service and set the right expectations
3. Even pizza can cause stress!
4. Keep the promise
5. Smile

 

from your last seven years with your company?
“I miss the people. That’s it. I don’t have any recollection of good memories involving projects.”

It’s always about the people, isn’t it? People do stuff. Some people don’t.
Below, an email response I just received:

“[the thing that was due last month], I have it on my radar ( I could have completed if not for my excel breakdown last Monday) but currently  in progress as I had to shift all my focus on doing new things.  Please give me some time as I have very limited bandwidth now,”

I wish he just told me the truth: “I haven’t done it because I don’t want to”, or “the dog ate my homework”

I will remember him as the “poker” who always has an excuse for not doing.

 

Long time ago, I was given a map with four marked spots, compass, and two bottles of water before a school bus dropped me off in an unknown location. Only four hours to figure out where I am before planning my route to get to all four locations, get moving and return to the base.

I am not alone. I am surrounded by others going through the same exercise. Except we’re dropped off in different locations with varying coordinates. We are not allowed to talk to one another.

It takes me half hour to plot out the lines on the map and write down four coordinates. I put one inside my shirt, and the other is in my left hand.

I walk forward. I panic. I can’t find the piece of paper anywhere. I look inside my shirt pocket to find another copy. I let out an audible sigh. I’m delayed. I have just lost 30 minutes.

??@#$@#$!!
Keep calm. I’ll be okay. Remember! Trust your azimuth. Trust your pace count. Take a deep breath. 

The compass sits just above the bellybutton and is held level to the ground. I turn my body to align to the azimuth of my first destination. I lift my head and look far into the distance. I put the compass away. I shoot for a straight line, as the crow flies, towards the tree with what I hope have distinct branches. I count my steps. Every 52 steps is one yard. I have ten beads hanging on my left shoulder strap. Every 52 steps, I mark one down. Until I hit the distance towards my azimuth.

Thank goodness, there is a marker with red and yellow tape. I write it down.

I get to my third marker. I see panicked people everywhere. Some people are following others. The thought had entered my mind. I wish I could just follow, hoping perhaps that we are headed towards the right direction? Except we all started somewhere else. No two of us are alike in our quest.

I shoot my last azimuth. There is a swamp separating me and my next tree. 20 minutes remain.

??@#$@#$!!
I can’t swim. . I may got lost and lose my ‘tree.’ I have no choice but to go forward.
I wade through the muck that reaches just below my shoulders. I exit and find myself in front of two markers.

!!@#@?#&
I choose the one closest to the tree.

I run as fast as I can.
Ten minutes before I disqualify.
I am the last person among the 200 to finish.

I hand in my codes aligned to coordinates to the man sitting at an old desk.
He glances at me, looks over the sheet, and hands me a piece of paper: 4/4.
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