Category: Uncategorized

Dinner with BBB tonight. I’m trying to spend as much time with him before he leaves. Has it been 18 months already?

He showed up one day uninvited and unannounced with another stranger who would also become one of my best friends. He entered without warning. He would have been another acquaintance had it not been for my asking him on a friend date. Our relationship started with tacos and burritos. A short month later, he would help me mend my broken heart. Another month, we would take a long trip to nowhere and everywhere. Five months later, he would pick me up from the hospital as I wake up groggy and scared. 11 months later, we would go another epic trip in Mother City. 16 months later, I’d end up crashing at his place for two months.

Serendipity of life. How lucky we have been. Generous people helping us to get to the today’s successes.

He has become one of the cherished friends of my life. And it all started with a casual dinner. Taking the time to get to know another human being. Being there for each other.

Friendship is the greatest gift from strangers. We eat. We laugh. We watch another one of my favorite episodes before turning in for the evening.

I went to the Traffic department to renew my car registration (license disc) expecting to wait at least an hour. I was the first in line, and it took all of two minutes. I was almost turned away but I had a copy of another ID that exempted me from having to submit a copy of the Traffic Register number. The guy asked me to take him to the USA the next time I go back. “You’re not too big, so I think we can make it work,” and I left with utter shock and happiness. Instead of going home to work, I decided to work out, shower, get food and then do work. Been at it for 1.5 hours, so I’ve made up for leaving early.

Tonight, I’m making us grilled salmon, asparagus and broccoli to make up for a debauchery of bad food weekend. For dessert, baked nectarine with yogurt. I’m treating my friend every night to a hopefully delicious meal for letting me crash his place for over two months. He’s leaving for Germany on Friday, and thus I have only 4 more dinners left with him.

They say the more colorful the sunsets, the more pollution there is in the air. Whatever the cause, it was stunning tonight, and I’m happy to reap the benefits of industrialization. Who knew pollution could be so pretty?

Similarly, my homelessness caused by the botched renovation forced me to spend more time with friends, and as result, we are much closer.

Last month, she went on 18 interviews. Got an offer from a company she is ecstatic about. Even managed to negotiate an 11% higher salary from the original offer letter. (So proud of her perseverance, persistence and push to demand more.)

On the day she quit her existing job, she had a script in her head. She knew exactly what to say and to whom. She’s quit before. She’s exited with grace.

Except the company throws a curve ball. They don’t pay out outstanding vacation days, and so she must forfeit 2 weeks’ worth of pay. Devastating, I know. She loses all control and gets emotional. Dumps an earful to current manager and the HR specialist who broke the bad news.

She calls me to talk it about, and I’m grateful to be in her trusted circle. I learn something new every time we speak. I ask her tough questions. She realizes she made a conscious choice to let go of all control and filter. She’s been trying so hard to keep a composed and jovial manner in all she does, both professional and personal. She needed a relief. She needed to see if she could be someone different from the one she’s been trying to portray. She regrets it but it’s an excellent learning opportunity to distinguish the different between the sunk (what’s done is done) and opportunity (what can you do to make a better last impression, and can you afford to damage this relationship) cost.

She needs a break. A vacation. So have a drink with some friends. Fly west to catch up with family. Come back rested. Come back to have fun with a big smile.

You’ve earned it. You’re amazing.
Well done, you.

Waka Waka by Shakira brings me back to 2010, when I thought I couldn’t be happier… Running from one place to another. Seeing a brand new place with wide set of excited eyes. It was cold. It was dry. Nothing made sense and the world faded into the background so I could focus on another human being. Seven years later, the world is the focus, and the extra cast fades away.

Time eats everything. Even the good. Especially the good.

Lately, I’ve been feeling bad about the way I’ve withdrawn from the world. I’m peopled out after the week. I have to talk to at least 15 people on a daily basis, and the introvert in me needs time to recharge in my own cocoon.

In social settings, I find myself feeling awkward. Not fully present. Except I know this is how I should feel with two jobs, the apartment under renovation, and living with friends for the past four months. I’m not quite settled in. I don’t have any space to let new people in, and so I don’t.

But I do still worry about the passing of the time. What is the opportunity cost of not going out there and making more human connections when not working? I don’t know what I don’t know. I do have regrets, and I do wonder.

But I am doing the best I can, and I give myself credit for trying.

How much do we make?  She’s also doing two jobs, just like me. Stressed out and not sure how she can keep all the balls up in the air, which is another similar situation. Except she makes one third of what I make. For the same number of hours worked. For the similar levels of stress and unrealistic demands of her company.

Life isn’t fair. Never take the first offer. The employer wants us for the lowest amount. We want the highest salary. How do you strike the right balance? The hiring manager is the only one who’ll fight for our increase. HR is the support behind the cost center owner to get us in with the lowest amount.

The best way to negotiate is through practice. Learn to talk about money. The more we talk, the better we’ll be able to carry the conversation, and lead ourselves towards our goals. The more we talk, we’ll grow more confident and less comfortable. I think more people should talk about their salaries and understand their market value to equalize the pay gap in the work place.

To get more, we must demand more. To demand more, we must know more. To know more, we must do our homework. To execute, we must practice, practice and practice.

A new direct report calls asking for assistance. I respond, “did you talk to him in person?”

Him: “No, but I’ve sent him multiple emails.”

Me: “Please see if you can resolve this by talking to him face to face. And ask your colleagues to help you out. If you still don’t’ come right, please let me know”

Three days ago, I told the team that my job is to enable and support them, which means they are empowered to solve their own problems. Come to me if they need help. But they must do the work first and exhaust all options before coming to the manager. Otherwise, how will they learn to deal with difficulties and complexities of the things to come?

Have you asked someone to help you before helping yourself first? Have you been asked the same thing?

It took me three years and five months to complete the Toastmaster Competent Communicator manual by doing 10 prepared speeches. For the last one, like the other two, I had no time to prepare, so I winged the 8-10 minute speech. I talked about my public speaking journey. How I used to be so shy that I’d never talk to anyone. When I did, I’d stutter and grow frustrated. And so, I shunned social interactions because I was bad at it. Instead, I retreated into written words because it was safe there. The world created with total control in my own mind.

I grew up. I got a job. I had to learn to be a better speaker without freaking out all the time. Such stage fright. Having to over prepare and stressing over for what, exactly.

So I made a decision to join the Toastmasters. Do you know how many speeches it took to take away my fear of speaking? The first one. Because nothing bad happened. No one poked fun. I won the best prepared speech of the night with the Ice Breaker. I was better than my insecurities.

After I completed the last one, CC10, the members congratulated me with a standing ovation. Humility and gratefulness took over.

Now, I can move on to a different challenge.

I’ve had to move out of my place once again. Dust everywhere. Bed packed up without my knowing. Never ending packing and unpacking. One of my least favorite things to do? Unpack. Why? Because I don’t know where to put them away when living in a temporary home. And so, they all kind of go wherever and I have no idea where anything is. A total chaos.

One benefit of the renovation inefficiency? I’m more patient. I don’t throw fits. I just ask the person in charge to make it right. I’ve learned to let go of the things out of my control and filter my anger.

Once a week gym session with the personal trainer leaves me completely exhausted. In an attempt to increase the frequency to 3x a week, I row for twenty minutes. I don’t stretch as much as I should. Two hours later, I jump on the kitchen counter to put something away, only to twist my left shoulder. I’m going to feel this for a long time.

Always pushing too much and too soon. I’m not sure that I’ll ever learn to find the true balance.

My first time hurting from working out. This aging thing is real, isn’t it? But I had fun. It felt like I was back in the game. Now, where is the set of headphones I used last?

And it begins again. I park my car near my old office and walk to the new. I stop to get fruits and yogurt at the cafeteria, and the lady next to me radiates booze and cigarettes. Great sniff to start the morning, said I never.

It’s quiet without the buzz. No sense of urgency, and warmer in temperature than the other building.

I’m doing my best to stop thinking about the value-detractors. The ones I must wean myself from, while letting negative emotions cycle through.

I’d rather think about those that matter. In two weeks, a friend is leaving the country for good. During the past twelve months, he taught me how to have fun despite the hard knocked life stuff. We’re compatible getaway buddies. He’s not perfect, and I’m not either. We have disagreements, and he doesn’t meet all the needs of a friend. I don’t either. Sometimes he’s frustrating to be around, and I’m too serious for him at times. He and I can talk about the things we can’t with anyone else.

We love each other without expectations. He makes him buy him fancy dinner, a good excuse to hang out and laugh. I can afford it, and he knows it. This makes me laugh. No one else would demand such dinners from him, and for this, I am appreciative of his company.

I used to hate saying goodbyes and would wallow with longing long after. After people leave my daily life, I’ll probably never see them again, or at most once a year…

I used to fight against the inevitable goodbyes of life, but I’ve been taught to embrace the change with more grace and less snot. Now I understand… all good-byes are supposed to be bittersweet. Bitter for the goodbye and sweet for all the times we shared together.

I bid adieu to a friend who helped me get through the 2016 and 2017. The one who picked me up from the hospital when I was knocked out. The friend who accompanies me on exotic trips. The friend who lends me his bed when I have nowhere to go. The friend who buys me things when I prioritize others before my own wants and needs. The friend I can call on to help me get through the day.

Thank you for your present of effortless friendship.